“People can understand that people with broken bones can't walk, but they can't understand that people with depression are unable to live.”
1. I don't think you look like a depressed person.
You will sneeze when you have a cold, you can't walk when you have a fracture, and you will bleed when you hurt your hand, but depression seems to be nothing from the surface.
Because people with depression are suffering in places that people cannot see.
Someone once described how they felt when they had depression: “There is a glass of water on the table, I am so thirsty, but I can't reach out. People think I am lazy, yes, I have the will and the strength. But I am sick, and it is a disease where the will cannot control the strength. My whole life has lost its vitality because of it.”
Yes, depression is not a physical ailment, but a loss of vitality that is far more frightening than a physical ailment. It can destroy a person's emotional control system, and the slightest thing can make you so sad, or even suicide.
So when someone says, “You look fine, how can you get depressed?”
How cruel to not only turn a blind eye to the suffering of people with depression, but also to deny their suffering outright.
2. You can't let your emotions control you, you have to overcome them.
Depression is not what we normally call “depressed mood”.
Depression is a disease. In addition to long-term depression, it often has symptoms such as insomnia, memory loss and loss of interest in life, which can seriously affect normal life and even self-harm, self-injury and suicidal behavior in serious cases.
Depression is transient and can be regulated, while depression is persistent, with symptoms lasting longer, measured in weeks, months, or even “years”.
At this time, persuasion is useless. Advising a depressed person to “not think too much” is as futile as telling a skin burn victim that you do not feel pain.
A netizen has described his state of life with depression: “A person is so depressed that he doesn't want to follow the stars and watch his favorite TV show, he can't read a single line of a novel, dizzy, doesn't want to talk, doesn't want to eat, keeps looking at the time on his cell phone, sits dazed and weeps, and has insomnia! To three or four o'clock scratching his head and crying in his heart thinking why I can't get even a simple sleep, then lying with his eyes closed after crying tired. Dawn, bad thoughts are still in. However, all this would not want to tell anyone!”
3. What do you have to be depressed about?
Even sickness has to have a valid reason? What kind of life experience is worthy of depression?
Theories on the causes of depression can be very complex, related to genes, the structure and function of brain regions, and cytokines, as well as certain physiological disorders that can produce depressive symptoms.
It is a combination of genes, growth environment (especially early growth experiences, and the quality of the mother-infant relationship), stressful events, and other factors that intertwine and work together to trigger this severe cold in the brain at a certain point in life.
Depressed patients' low mood is not directly related to a specific event, often presenting incomprehensible unhappiness, or even suicidal thoughts, which is not proportional to their situation, and people around them will think " making a fuss", so depressed patients mostly do not tell people around them, pretending that everything is fine.
4. You've been cooped up at home for too long, and it's better to get in touch with people.
When one has depression, the chemicals inside the body change, making one feel fatigued and weak. Some people with depression sleep 22 hours a day and still feel tired.
It's unscientific to insist that depressed people go out and make friends, or go play. It's like telling a patient with a broken bone, Go! Go for a run! Bite the bullet! You can do it!
And we always associate depression with character flaws. Always prefer to morally think that unsocial, introverted, vulnerable, small-minded people will get depression, but there are many comedians who suffer from depression.
Depression is a disease, a loss of vitality, a loss of the ability to properly perceive joy, happiness, excitement, sadness and pain, and has nothing to do with being introverted or fragile.
It is not a normal emotion that can be regulated by individual will. Those uncontrollable negative thinking and suicidal ideas are symptoms of the disease and are not the free choice of the patient.
5. Everyone is facing life positively, you see people around you, it's quite good, how can you not?
Some people like to force positive energy no matter what they encounter.
“Who does not have a sad and lost time, others can survive, why are you so pretentious!”
“I was worse off than you before, but now I'm fine, you can do it, don't be so fragile!”
Can overcome, that means the ability to regulate emotions is normal.
But the depressed patient lost the function of regulation, he is not pretentious, but no emotion, lost motivation, a serious lack of energy, even breathing is painful, this time to force the patient to read books and exercise, forcing positive energy, is useless, but added unnecessary pressure to each other.
A sufferer described his experience of not being understood: “There is nothing more painful for a depressed person than to be misunderstood and isolated. If I wanted the company of my friends, then I would go to them and I wouldn't be depressed. They may say, “What's the big deal? I'm worse off than you are, so look on the bright side,” and so on. Maybe they are for my own good, but it only makes me more lonely and desperate. But if there is a person who can accompany me silently when I am depressed, does not have to say anything, just be by my side, maybe I can not immediately out of depression, but when the mood is better I will be very touched by his company, otherwise in a variety of misunderstandings and accusations, there will really be the illusion of rebellion.”
6. You can not let others worry about you, this is very selfish.
Being sick is not a crime, depression is not a disease that you can get by patting your head, its causes are very complex.
Some people feel that depression is a mental illness because of the long-standing stigma of mental illness in the society, which makes people feel that depression is terrible, while some families of depressed people feel that having a “mental illness” in the family is a scandal and cannot let outsiders know about it, or even deny the fact of depression.
On the forum, someone was diagnosed with “moderate depression” and took the test results to his parents, but they said:" We don't believe you because this result is a lie, you are so selfish, and you don't think about us at all.
However, mental illness is like other illnesses, except the sick part is the brain. It can be treated and should be treated. Depression is just a common mental disorder, and it is not terrible to suffer from depression; what is terrible is that people have various misconceptions about depression, which delays treatment. The individual and family's need to save face and irrationality work together to create an environment that is very unfavorable to people with depression.
7. You are just not strong enough
“ Nowadays, which one is not depressed? Do not whine, cheer up ......”
“Be strong, it's not a big deal, the one who has cancer, and he's not like you ......”
People always feel that everyone should have a very strong heart and be able to take responsibility for everything they go through.
Therefore, whenever you hear that a person has depression, there will be “depressed people are not strong enough, small-minded, can not withstand the frustration, so they will be sick”.
Therefore, it is felt that depressed people are pretentious and sickly. In other words, if you want to cure the disease, you still have to rely on your own will, take it on yourself, and overcome it yourself. But this is like saying to a cripple, “Your leg is fine, run!”
But depressed people can not control these, their thinking ability has slowed down to receive complex external information, everything by instinct. It is impossible for them to spend a lot of energy to try to control themselves.
8. How lucky you are, why do you think about this?
For some people who are rich or excellent in the eyes of the world, it is hard for people to believe that they will get depression. How could you get depression if you have money, good looks or excellent skills? It's a lie, right?
But in fact, anyone can get depressed.
No matter how rich, how funny and cheerful, how excellent, you can become depressed.
TED speaker Kevin, who is the captain of the basketball team, likes to party, is funny and confident, but he is also a patient who has been struggling with depression for 6 years. He said:
“Who I am, who I really am, is someone who struggles fiercely with depression”
“I have for the last six years of my life struggled with depression”
“And I continue to struggle every day "
“ Real depression is not being sad when something in your life goes wrong”
“Real depression is being sad when everything in your life is going right.”
So stop thinking that depressed people are overthinking and vulnerable, they're just sick.
Some people believe that depression is just a “cold in the mind”. In fact, such a statement is not true. More than the physical discomfort, the psychological torment is not as simple as a sneeze. Depression is not an emotion, but a loss of emotion, draining not only the creativity of the mind, also destroying the vitality of life. “Uninteresting, helpless, incompetent, powerless, useless and hopeless” outlines a pale life that has lost its color.
A patient described his feelings this way, "Thinking is like sticky mud that flows slower and slower, and eventually simply stops there, day after day."
350 million people worldwide suffer from depression. However, less than 25% of patients seek effective treatment. The number of people with depression in the United States now numbers 460,000. Each year, many people commit suicide because of depression. That's the equivalent of 1 in 6 people being depressed. But only about 23.6% of people with depression receive treatment.
With such a high prevalence rate, the diagnosis rate is so low.
One of the reason for this is the misunderstanding of depression and the stigma of the illness, which leads people with depression to fail to seek psychological treatment in time. And most of those who are really sick are unable to transform on their own.
If you have a friend with depression, don't say to him, "Go," " stick with it," but encourage him to seek medical advice, take medication and seek professional help.
Although social support from relatives and friends is very important for depressed patients, and always say that family members should accompany them more. In fact, it is precisely this "more companionship" from family members that triggers depression. Depression is genetically inherited and is related to dopamine secretion in the brain and to the experience of growing up. Our doctors say: be more present, but very few of them tell the family how to be present.
So how to accompany?
Instead of judging, defining and demanding, empathize with him on a deep emotional level, give him love and warmth, see and respond to his feelings.
"It's really not easy for you to pretend to be happy when you're obviously not happy, and to pretend to be happy to take care of other people's feelings, it's really not easy."
"I know you're upset, it's not that you don't want to be around people, but it's really hard for you to go out and play. But if you want to go out, I can go out with you, and if you don't want to, then I'll stay inside with you, whatever you want."
Give yourself permission to press the pause button on your life and to take a well-deserved break.
Emotional healing is a long-term struggle that requires proper treatment, support and understanding from family and friends. Only with the heart can you see clearly, what really is important.