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No anxiety, no fear, no insomnia, feel your calm

My experience with anxiety and relapse

My experience with anxiety and relapse

I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder when I was in first year Master (at the end of 2016). The symptoms are obvious, my heart pumped really quick and fast. And I was in shock the whole time for several months.

In general, when a person is stimulated or frightened in a normal way, the state of panic will only remain for about 20 minutes. But I was trapped in an inexplicable cycle where I had no idea how to control my body.  I was unable to understand it that made me panic and anxious even more. Because of the uninterrupted state of extreme panic, I couldn't sleep naturally.

In short, I lost the ability to regulate my emotions for a long time.

Naturally, I did not fall into this state for no reason. The immediate cause was the great academic pressure that I felt during the first year of graduate school. I trembled whenever I saw the word “course” or “academic”. In fact, although I was diagnosed in my first year of study, but the real root of the disease was accumulated over a period of years in the past, without realizing it.

02. Latent and prevention of anxiety disorders.

The main purpose of this part of the article is to help you discover some of the hidden problems that may lead to anxiety disorders, and hopefully to help some “latent” patients realize that they may be in such a state without noticing it. If you can read this article and become more aware, you may be able to pay more attention to yourself, so that you don't have to go through the tortuous process of treatment, like I did.

In fact, after I was diagnosed with anxiety in late 2016, I had experienced a latency period of  5 years.

I first began to suffer from insomnia for many days due to anxiety in my second year of high school. I felt that the pace of classes was very tight every day, and my heart was tight at bedtime, and couldn't stop. I told my parents about it, and they told me that I would be fine after exams.

The second time I accumulated was in 2012. I was worried that I would not be selected for an internship at the program, so I suffered from insomnia due to stress and anxiety again.  Also, I still failed to pay attention to it, thinking it was over after the audition. And I no longer had to worry about it, and my insomnia was over.

The third accumulation started in September 2014. It lasted longer this time, but I still didn't pay any attention to it. I just kind of “got used to it”, and hoping each time that the external stressful event would be over. Then I would be relieved.

I put extra pressure on myself to get into a good graduate school. I started to have anxiety before bedtime for a long time, which led to sleeping few hours every day, I also had abnormal anxiety before the written exams and interviews, and my heart was tight during classes, even the kind of classes without roll call and questions, but my hearts beat faster, and muscles get tense. But I thought these symptoms were not important, as long as I could get into a good school.

I also tried to look for some treatment for insomnia, and ignoring all the other pains. Of course, I didn't find an effective way to solve it, because my insomnia was caused by anxiety, so how could I change the result without getting rid of it? In October 2015, after I was confirmed to be allowed to go to college, I came to life once again.

The fourth accumulation was in the summer of 2016, the summer before entering the first year of graduate school. Because I heard about the school's requirements for graduation at our level before enrollment, I felt impossible to complete, and I was terrified at home, and it was hard to gouge my heart out every day. But because I have been like this several times, more embarrassed, I was nervous and anxious and stressed ......


The analysis of my latent period experience shows that I suffered several anxiety attacks without paying attention to them, which caused my anxiety symptoms to get worse and I had a hard time recovering after the attacks.

I'm not a professional psychologist and can't say more about ways to prevent anxiety, but from my own experience, it's important to prevent and find effective ways to relieve it, especially when you feel stressed and anxious at the beginning.

Instead of accepting the fate of “I'm just mentally weak” and leaving anxiety to pile up, or just expecting a certain selection or other important exam to pass quickly. You should understand that even if you have an important exam at 2pm, you should be able to sleep and rest from 1pm to 1:30pm, which is the most normal state.

Part 2 →


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