Interpersonal communication and relationship
People get together with others to meet each other's needs — both material and spiritual. For example, friends are together to keep each other company, play and have fun together without competition or conflict of interest. Friends can also work together, complement each other, and face and solve problems in life together for a common goal. Friends are equal. No question is higher or lower, who is better or worse, right or wrong.
Suppose there are competitive relationships and conflicts of interest between people. In that case, it is easy to stand on opposite sides, there is the question of who is better and who is worse, who is right and who is wrong, who gains and who loses, it won't be easy to establish friendship, or on the surface close and good, but behind the scenes to tear each other down.
In a relationship with competition or conflict of interest, it is almost impossible to gain the other person's acceptance, approval, and affection. It is asking too much of yourself and others. It is unnecessary to worry that the other person will not accept or hate you in such a relationship.
Symptoms of social phobia
Nervousness and unnaturalness when meeting people, stiff facial expressions, physical tension, confusion, blankness in the brain, not knowing what to say, and blushing and stammering. Fear that others will see their nervousness and unnaturalness, thus avoiding others and social situations.
Feeling inferior to oneself, feeling that one has many flaws and is a failure; distrustful of others, feeling that others are unfriendly, with malicious intent, and will hurt oneself. Often have a sense of being insightful, worrying that others see their shortcomings, thus denying, rejecting, belittling, ridiculing, and attacking themselves, and worrying that others cheat and hurt them.
Like to be alone, do not like to be with people, hope to live in seclusion, do things they like, do not want to cooperate with others, feel uncomfortable with themselves, will be at a disadvantage.
Causes of social phobia
Related to the parenting style and family education from childhood, the person feels neglect, denial, rejection, devaluation, and scolding from parents, and begins to think that he or she is terrible and unloved, feels inferior and insecure does not trust others.
Slowly grow up, hope to get attention and love, make special efforts to prove themselves, and do many things outstanding, but will always feel inadequate and unloved, especially if parents are still always comparing themselves with other children.
When you are with your peers, you will feel inferior, feel inferior inside, and worry that you will be rejected and ridiculed by everyone, so you don't make friends.
Because of the long avoidance of human interaction and the lack of knowledge of human affairs and social rules, they cannot handle relationships with other people, especially their superiors.
Avoid interaction with the opposite sex, easily shy, so making a boy/girlfriend is difficult.
In summary, the emotional feelings behind social phobia symptoms are anxiety and fear. Many of the symptoms are also anxiety and fear symptoms, a variety of worries, fearful thoughts, low self-esteem and insecurity, and suspicion distrust of others.
Expectations and excessive worry.
It is human to expect to be liked and fear to be hated. However, for social anxiety people, expecting to be liked and fearing to be hated by everyone in any situation, which is too much expectation and excessive worry. We cannot make everyone like us in every situation, and we cannot make everyone hate us. People will always dislike and hate us because of position issues, conflict of interest, or prejudice.
For example, people always take advantage of themselves. They have been aggrieved, repressed in order to make him like themselves, do not detest themselves, to meet the other party's requirements. Eventually, they can not bear to explode, resulting in a rapid break-up of the relationship. All the efforts lost, hurt the other party at the same time, and make the other party feel selfish, can not get along, or avoid aggression, repressed painful feelings, and refuse to build relationships with people again.
So as long as you can have a small number of people like themselves and most people do not hate themselves. Allow the most people to dislike themselves and a small number of people to hate themselves.
Past life experiences make the person think that he or she is terrible, has all kinds of shortcomings, deficiencies, and problems, is incapable, worthless, unlovable, lazy, ugly, selfish, or even useless and great failure. Others come with malicious intent to criticize him or her, deny, belittle, ridicule, reject, hate and hurt him or her.
For example, people think they are terrible and worthless and think others will hate and look down on them, so they feel anxious and fearful and interact with people every time. Moreover, they feel pain as if they view that others are laughing at him or them, thus avoiding it.
Everyone will have one or more shortcomings, deficiencies, and problems, and will also have their advantages and strengths, or that they are just an ordinary person, not as bad as they think, and not necessarily as good as they expect. Some people are wary and hostile to others. However, most people are expected to be kind to others to understand and accept their shortcomings, deficiencies, and problems. Moreover, the angel and the devil are two sides of a person; the evil people also have a good side, good people also have made mistakes. In many cases, right and wrong can not be so clearly divided.
Family, school, and social education requirements, expectations, criticism, and blame will gradually internalize the requirements, expectations, criticism, blame, and strict requirements for themselves, diligent and harsh blame, which in turn will be externalized to the requirements, expectations, and criticism, the blame of others. In this case, their suffering and letting others suffer can be detrimental to others.
Cultivate a tolerant heart, allow everything to be as it is, understand and respect the choices you do not like, and allow the existence of flaws and shortcomings while pursuing strengths and perfection because everything is relative. There is both good and evil, beauty and ugliness, right and wrong, and the pursuit of good, beauty, and right will also make the evil, ugliness, and wrong stand out. Moreover, people are a community of contradictions, allowing the existence of contradictions, living with contradictions.
Ideas for psychological rehabilitation
Improve self-confidence, build security, improve your ability and value in all aspects, learn to protect yourself and self-satisfaction, dare to trust others and interact with them.
Self-confidence is the foundation. With self-confidence, they will have a sense of security and will dare to try self-imposed breakthrough limits through learning and practice to improve their abilities in all aspects. Be needed by others, improve their value, dare to trust others, and be willing to play and cooperate with others while having enough ability to protect themselves from others.
Self-confidence and sense of security
People with social anxiety and phobia tend to be especially concerned about what others think of them. A large part of their anxiety and fear comes from the fear that others will see their flaws and look down on them. Moreover, others are not all well-meaning; there are certainly people who will stare at their shortcomings and discriminate, deceive and hurt themselves. Especially some people who can exert harmful intervention and influence on the person, such as parents, relatives, teachers, superiors, which is also the person's past psychological shadows and life experiences, so that they will cover up, disguise, and repress themselves, only to avoid the crowd. Moreover, a significant reason for social phobia is overly concerned about their performance and others' perception of them.
We have to be brave enough to accept and let others think of us and dare to be true to ourselves. A natural, sincere person is far easier to gain the trust and love of others than a hypocritical person who is accustomed to covering up and disguising. As for those who need us to cover up, disguise, and suppress themselves to please and flatter.
Application to real life
Social phobia is a problem that arises in relationships, and it is also necessary to go through relationships to accomplish change. Closing yourself off too hard thinking is not conducive to recovery.
After adjusting your self-concept, you can use the method of thought rehearsal, close your eyes and imagine a specific social situation, observe the content of your thoughts, emotional feelings, attitudes, and behavioral practices. You can use the new self-concept to see and explain problems, use verbal cues and picture imagery to evoke relaxed and pleasant emotional feelings, and use the attitude and behavioral practices of confrontation, resolution, and acceptance to interact with people. Accumulate experience to build self-confidence.
Then take the thoughts and ideas, emotional feelings, attitudes, and behavioral practices that have been rehearsed and implement them into real-life relationships to change yourself through practice truly.
The process of mental maturity
The process of change is also a process of spiritual growth and mental maturity. Social phobia is a symptom and includes mental immaturity—lack of life experience and interpersonal experience, lack of survival skills, and social values. Therefore, the recovery of social fear is accumulating life and interpersonal experience, improving ability and value.