My road to recovery from depression was bumpy and far from over. Although I have felt up and down mentally over the years of recovery, I have learned something that no one else could give me.
1. Recovery is hard.
Of course, I never expected recovery to be easy, but I didn't expect it would be so hard. I truly feel that people who are experiencing mental anguish (in whatever form) deserve a medal of honor heroes because they have had a so hard time. Sometimes, I feel like recovery is impossible, but it's not. When feeling very difficult, keep in mind that recovery is possible. Although it doesn't make the disease heal, but it certainly helps.
2. Sometimes you will not want to recover.
I'm always in constant fluctuating thoughts, expecting recovery some day, expecting a relapse some day, expecting to stay in my current state some day, and expecting to recover some day ...... Ahh, so tired! When you don't want to recover, people will keep telling you to recover and it can make you feel crushed. No matter what, you have to persevere and eventually you will remember why you want to recover and then struggle harder for it.
3. See the world in a different way.
When I was younger, I thought everything would go back to normal after I recovered. But as I approached recovery, nothing went back to the same as before. Because the world is changing, and things will not go back to what they were, this point scares me sometimes. But good things will come in different ways, and happiness seems to look a little different now, but it's okay.
4. Don't pressure yourself too much.
When I was in my low point of recovery, I wanted to recover to the best of my ability, I wanted to recover as fast as I could, and I wanted to return to me as soon as I was, so that I could make my family proud, my boyfriend happy, and everyone feels relaxed again. But it was never easy. Many times, those who you want to prove yourself to will be proud of you whenever they see you exist. Once I realized this and started to relax my feelings a little bit, things became much easier.
5. The present you won't be a part of your personality.
Have you ever played that game called " know people “? In the game, you have to say your name, age, and some interesting things about yourself. I hate this game because I find it hard to think about things about myself besides my mental health issues. I struggled to distinguish between myself and the diagnosed “self” on paper, which made recovery more difficult because I began to worry about what I would become. Who would I become? What would I lose when my mental illness was cleared? I still don't know the answer to that question, but I know that the final version of me will be much happier than the one I'm stuck in the middle of now, and that will be worth it.
6. Sometimes you miss the days of being sick.
Sometimes, when I'm in good condition, when I recall those years of struggle, I will miss them. I don't want to go back to that state, but I miss some parts of it. Recovery is a risky process, and sometimes you feel very insecure because you have to give up bad habits you have had for a long time. You don't miss what you did in the past and the consequences, but you do miss the feeling of safety. However, if you continue to try to recover, you will find a better sense of security.
7. You need to find some confidence.
People with mental illness sometimes struggle to believe in themselves, and so do I. So, I would go to believe in some other people and other things. It doesn't have to be major things, it can be small things that build confidence. Believe in your friends, believe in your family, believe in rainy days, believe in the fallen leaves. Believe in the little things that make you smile because they are within your control. If you can stick with it, these little things will carry you through until you are confident in yourself.